There are so many things I could say and directions I could take this blog, but I'm going to try my best to stay focused and direct. I should also be sleeping because in just a few short hours you two will be awake. I just can't help but tear up thinking about the fact that you two are one. I'm emotional not only because you two are my last babies, but because this last year has been my toughest and my best by far. I also can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that a year in time has gone by. I'm not sure if it's because I've been in a state of delusion or because time continues to speed up. It is truer today than ever before that the days are long, but the years are short. Not that long ago I was trying, hoping and praying to give McKenize a sibling. It also wasn't long ago when the ultrasound tech informed us that there was "just one healthy baby, oh nope, there's two!" Or carrying you two, worrying if I could love two additional babies as much as I love McKenzie. And then meeting you two, and being overwhelmed, and uncertain if I could handle what had been handed to me. Oh and the crying because it was impossible to soothe two babies and make sure my toddler felt just as much love as before, all at once. And feeling hopeless, and blessed, and tired, and scared, and happy, and ungrateful, and thankful all at the same time, and sometimes within the same hour. I think it's so unfair and hate the fact that it is impossible for a mom of multiples to make both of her babies feel better at the same time. It sucks every time to have to choose which baby you are going to pick up first because the look of heartache the other one gives you is almost unbearable.
It is incredible how much you get to know a baby and learn of their personality within a year. I know both of you and all your differences as if I've known you my entire life. Boy are you two different in so many ways. You even made sure to have different birthdays! I've already mentioned the worst part about having twins (I know that sentence sounds terrible, I'm just not sure how else to put it), but the best part is watching you two together and knowing the bond you'll always share! It truly warms this mamas heart and makes all the trials worth it!
Deacon, you are one strong and determined boy. You never stop moving and will stop at nothing to do or get what you want! You can fall, hit your head, or fail whatever attempt 5 times, yet you will get right back up and try again! You are filled with testosterone, you know when you're doing something you're not supposed to, and you do a great job at showing your anger when you don't get what you want (I'm scared and in trouble for both your fearlessness and temper). But you are a true mamas boy, and sweet, and social and can make people smile and laugh within 2 minutes of any interaction. It doesn't happen often but when you do mellow out and give mama a snuggle, it is the sweetest and most comfy snuggle I've ever experienced. But what's crazy is you haven't always been this way. Your first three months of life were much calmer, for the most part. Maybe it was because you knew I couldn't handle much more so you would often take the back seat. You would soothe yourself if you knew my hands were full with Bryn. You also always let sissy nurse first, such a gentleman. We first described you as chill and go with the flow, but son, times have changed and I love it, and everything about you!
Now my sweet Bryn, my true baby, my independent soul, the one who made sure to have her own day, her own birthday by over three hours. My St. Patty's girl, you are so soft, so sweet and such a unique little girl. What makes me tear up the most thinking about you is what if?!?! Having and raising twins is hard and wasn't something I ever imagined for my life but baby girl, I'm so thankful because I otherwise would have never met you! YOU are the one who completes our family and I can't imagine life without you. I can already tell you have the personality that will bind and bring us all together when we need it most. You give the true meaning to baby rolls and it's just another thing that sets you apart from your brother and sister. You are so strong! You will make it through anything life throws your way, I can just see it in your eyes! You had a tough birth and first couple of months of life but it has made you who you are. You are fierce and beautiful and make people work for it, and I love you for that. I will hold you and snuggle you and take your cheek snuggles for as long as you'll give them.
My babies, my one year olds still don't consistently sleep through the night. I think that's what really made this last year the hardest, was the lack of sleep. They were also pretty colicky babies for the first 6 months, but the first 3 months were the toughest. It has been so hard, the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most rewarding. There were moments of real darkness, ones I'm not proud of and will be happy to forget as the years continue, but there are also a lot of moments I'm proud of, really proud of. Nothing is perfect but my kids are healthy, happy and love one another. My husband and I still love each other very much and get along, most days! We still want to be with each other and we both love making memories with our sweet family. I think this all means WE DID IT! We survived the first full year of having twins. I'm blown away with how great McKenzie has handled all the changes, sometimes I think she's handled it better than I have! I haven't heard that it really gets easier, but I've definitely heard the first year is the toughest, so cheers!
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, DEACON AND BRYNLEY!
MOM AND DAD LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!
