Infertile....
The word that no woman who has dreamed of becoming a mother ever wants to hear. Sadly, many have to. According to the CDC, about 12% of women aged 15-44 in the US suffers from infertility. People often hear the phrase “1 in 8”.
We’re here today to touch on Infertility Awareness week. Perhaps you yourself have suffered from the trials and tribulations that infertility brings. If not you personally, maybe someone close to you. Our hope is that no matter what experience you may or may not have with infertility, this sheds some light on an extremely deep and emotional diagnosis that people so often misunderstand.
What defines Infertility?
Starting a family when diagnosed...
Fortunately, for couples in this day and age, there are a variety of different treatment options when it comes to growing your family. Unfortunately, many states in the US recognize pursuing treatments for this diagnosis as “elective”, therefore insurance coverage isn’t often found. This creates a barrier for many couples due to the extreme costs of procedures, medications, and appointments that add up when trying to conceive.
Options:
Infertility can be treated with medicine, surgery, intrauterine insemination (IUI), or assisted reproductive technology (IVF). Certain treatments can be done with a person’s primary physician or midwife while some of the more invasive procedures are done by specially trained medical doctor called Reproductive Endocrinologists.
Often, medication and intrauterine insemination are used at the same time. Providers recommend specific treatments for a couples’ infertility on the basis of:
- The factors contributing to the infertility;
- The duration of the infertility;
- The age of the female; and
- The couple’s treatment preference after counseling about success rates, risks, and benefits of each treatment option.
A note to the friends/family of someone struggling...
Infertility is HARD. There is no simpler way to put it. The road can be short or long depending on what a person chooses or is able to pursue. But no matter which way they go, it’s not easy. As people who have struggled ourselves, we can truly say – “I’ve been there.” But for the friends/family who want to be supportive and don’t know how, we’ll list some “Do’s and Don’ts” below to help ensure that you are supporting your loved one in the best possible way as they navigate through this excruciating journey.
DON'T:
1) Tell them to "relax and it will happen"...
This is a common misconception by those who don’t suffer from infertility. Relaxation can’t cure imbalances or structural anatomy. Please be cautious about saying this as it often stresses infertile people out more. Believe us, if all it took was some self-care and a trip to the spa…we would GLADLY pursue that treatment option.
2) Suggest Adoption
Though this often comes from a loving place, it isn’t that simple. Adoption comes with it’s own heartache! Many couples wait an extremely long time to be given the opportunity to be placed with a child and sometimes, things fall through. This is NOT a simple solution to infertility struggles. And though adoption is an AMAZING and beautiful thing, many couples cannot afford the various fees that add up over time through the process.
3) Ask whose "fault" it is
The reason for a couple’s infertility is extremely personal. If they are openly willing to talk about it, lend an ear! But never ask who is at “fault” for struggles conceiving. This can leave lasting wounds.
4) Tell them you know how they feel because you didn't get pregnant right away...
Taking some time to conceive is common. Telling someone who may have struggled for years – decades that it took several months for you can be very hurtful. Also, most infertile couples have tried all the basics such as ovulation kits, ect. Please use caution in acting as though you can sympathize or suggest things you did to track your cycles.
5) Ignore their struggle
Don’t treat your loved one like their fertility is “taboo” and shouldn’t be discussed. This will only make them feel more isolated and different and they need to feel loved and accepted just the way they are.
DO:
1) Listen to them
Lend an ear. Let them cry. Let them be angry. Let them vent. Or, let them rant about something random to distract themselves. Overall, be present. Infertility can create an extremely isolating feeling.
2) Offer to go with to appointments
Be there with them when they need you most. Often, fertility treatment cycles include MANY appointments and people have to attend numerous ones alone. Having a friend or family member offer to be there if their significant other can’t be, means the world.
3) Share your pregnancy news
Don’t hide your joy! Most people pursuing infertility treatment have a strong love of babies and will be able to feel excited for you too. Just understand, if they need some space from events like showers/holidays. A person with infertility can love their pregnant family/friends and still have strong internal pain underneath their true excitement for you.
4) Support them if they choose to continue treatment, or stop
Saying Infertility treatment can be a LOT is an understatement. It is ALL CONSUMING. One can only completely understand this if they have gone through it. Be there to support your friend if they are actively pursuing treatment, choosing to take a break, or wavering back and forth!
5) Research
Having someone willing to research about your specific diagnosis, treatment, or plans is incredible. Be the friend/family member who cares enough to educate yourself on what your loved one is going through!
We hope....
You spread the love to someone you know who is dealing with infertility today. If that’s you, we see you and are here to support you on your journey. Click here to join our PRIVATE support group for those dealing with Infertility.
Love,
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