How in the world are you already 6?
Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!
I’ve actually been meaning to write a couple different blogs for you, but I seem to procrastinate those the most. I think it’s because these topics are personal, and filled with so many emotions. Well, I guess there is no better time than now to finally sit down, put the pen to paper (aka type on the computer, cause it’s 2019), and tell you how much you mean to me.
How special you are.
And how YOU made me a mom SIX years ago, my greatest accomplishment!
You changed my life in more ways than I could have imagined! You even changed the trajectory of my entire professional career. Becoming your mother meant everything to me. In the healthiest of ways, but also even in some unhealthy ways. I became so engrossed in becoming your mother, that I even lost myself through it. Something I think happens more frequently than we realize with new mamas.
When I first held you I made you a promise that I would give you the world and do everything in my power to give you THE BEST LIFE. The only problem with that, as a brand new mom, I didn’t realize that I can’t change the entire world for you, nor make your life perfect. Rather, through the years and with lots of growth, I have come to realize that what I do have control over is loving you for EXACTLY who you are, and teaching you ways you can make a difference in this world. My job as your mother is to fill you with love, encouragement, strength, and guidance on how to approach your life, and this world.
Your Birth Story
I have yet to write out your birth story, so I think the time is now.
I came home from work on a Tuesday to find your aunt and her friend, now my friend as well, floating in our pool and enjoying the beautiful day. I have to say I was a little jealous. It was a hectic night, filled with lots of to dos in preparation of your arrival, and a full house of loved ones. I sold my small car that night, while the new SUV we had purchased was already in the shop. Then, a friend came over for a prenatal massage to see if she could help things move along. It was hot, and I was very pregnant and very swollen. Later on that night, the same aunt helped me organize our laundry/storage room, even after having some adult beverages in said pool, with said friend. We laughed and made some progress. That room contained all the boxes we had to take out of your room. Nesting was still very much in progress. At about 10 pm, we decided to call it a night. Sleep was important too.
At 2 am, I abruptly woke to my water breaking. I literally heard an internal POP! I was so excited, anxious, nervous, and totally new at this birthing thing, that I got up and starting pacing around the house, all while still leaking. Your dad pleaded that I go sit on the toilet and call our doula and midwife. I did just that. After those conversations, we decided that I would eat, take a shower, and slowly make our way to the hospital. Well, all that excitement must have exhausted me because I fell back asleep on the couch for a couple of hours. That was NOT part of the plan given by the midwife, but I knew it was best for my body, at that time. We checked into the hospital around 10 am. By that time, you had dropped into my pelvis and corked the opening, so the hospital was confused and questioned me on why they weren’t getting a positive read for amniotic fluid. They even asked if maybe I peed my pants! Both Brian and I said we were certain it was not pee!
Finally, after hours of sitting in triage, an ultrasound and some very mild contractions, another gush of fluids helped solidified my arrival and need to be admitted for the rupture and meconium presence. After getting situated in our room, we came up with a plan. If my body didn’t naturally enter into active labor by 6-7 pm, they would start pitocin, something I really didn’t want. So, your dad and I started walking, and walking, and walking. We periodically stopped and looked out the window talking about what our future would hold, and also some small talk surrounding the hot weather. We also visited with Grammy Pammy and Papa who were extremely anxious to meet you as well.
Finally at about 6:30 pm I felt my first REAL active labor contraction and holy buckets, it all got real, real fast! We labored for awhile in and around the bed. Then, our doula suggested that I get in the tub. Although everyone commented on how well I seemed to be doing, I was thinking very differently in my head! After a couple of hours and very little progression, I was tired. Like really, really tired. We had been up for almost 24 hours at that point and I needed rest. We first tried a sleeping aide, which didn’t provide much relief. After another couple hours of painful contractions, and now a very itchy face and body from the medication, I knew I needed to make a very important decision. I could either opt in for an epidural and get the rest my body needed in order to push you out, or try to continue knowing I may very well be out of energy by the time my cervix fully dilated. I opted for the epidural. I got about 4-6 hours of sleep off and on, and boy did I feel like a new person!
Around 7 am, I got a burst of energy. I requested that I be able to brush my teeth and hair. After that, the midwife checked my cervix and I was fully dilated. Right at that same time, I spiked a fever, and your heart rate started dipping. It was in that moment that the staff feared for an infection from the meconium, and when my midwife looked at me with a very stern voice and said, “you need to push your baby out, and you need to push her out now!” After only 25ish minutes, you were OUT! Because of the meconium and risk for infection, they could not immediately put you on my chest. Daddy came with you instantly, and you recovered moments later. You were PERFECT.
Then my love, they put you on my chest and I couldn’t believe you were real! You were my baby, and I was your mother. Wow, what a story! What a pregnancy! And what an entrance!
To read more about the medical side of McKenzie’s birth story, and why I refer to her as my miracle baby, click here.
For the next 3 1/2 years, it was you, me and daddy. We had so much fun in those years and soaked up every bit of you! Then, we decided to try and give you a sibling.
Well, you know the story! You were not only given one sibling, but two! I was so worried that entire pregnancy that I was ruining your life! You were the center of everyone’s world!
I was also worried because I was unsure if I would or could love another child as much as I love you?
You and I have this incredible bond. I never knew how much I could love someone until I had you. We spent our days together, just you and I. You are kind, gentle, and sweet. I knew I loved you, but would I love the others the same. Could I possibly love another child to the depth and level I loved you? Well moms with multiple kids, you were right. It is so true! Somehow, even with all of my questioning, your heart truly does grow the day your next child is born. It is a real and and honest concern, but I’m so glad all those mamas were right.
Anyway, back to you! There are many moments we’ve shared that I will always remember, but one I will forever cherish and hold close to my heart was when I had your brother and sister. I checked into the hospital to be induced and spent most of the day hooked up to the synthetic version of oxytocin, a hormone needed to labor. After hours of small bumps of pitocin, lots of spinning babies techniques and some rest and fuel, my body needed more. It was in that moment of need where YOU helped me through. I called Grammy Pammy and Papa to bring you up to the hospital for a visit. After some snuggles, kisses, and a lot of tears knowing that the next time I would see you everything would be different, I went into labor.
Your love, your affection, your acceptance is what put me into full blown active labor!
To learn even more details about the twins’ birth, click here.
Speaking of that, let’s talk about the type of sister you are. You have far exceeded our expectations and hopes as a sister. Your brother and sister think the world of you and want to be with you all the time.
I think some pretty magical moments have already occurred in your six years of life. Some big and some small. But I see so many more magical moments in your future. You are kind, smart, thoughtful, beautiful, and just such a good, good person. I love that you are artistic, creative, and have the best memory! You are going to move mountains, baby girl, and I can’t wait to watch.
Happy Birthday, McKenzie! You are now officially 6!
Love, your mama,
If you’re still with me in reading this blog about my sweet McKenzie, thank you! This platform may never reach millions, but if nothing else, I will be so happy to gift these personal blogs to my kiddos when they are older. I hope one day they will look back and read these and know how much I have always loved them!
This Post Has One Comment
This is just so beautiful!!
Thank you for sharing what a very special girl you have. She is something else for sure.
I only wish I would have had a format like this to share my love for you and your sister. I only prey you felt how huge my love for you was and still is. Being a mom is so overwhelmingly euphoric it’s hard to put into words. The love I felt for you two can only be topped by the love I have for the four little people I am so proud to call my G-Babies!!
My heart just keeps growing & I will love you all 4 ever & 4 always….
Forever my babies you will be!!